We largely determine the quality of our own lives. It often feels easier to blame our circumstances — the job, the financial issues, the requests made of us, even our past choices — for how we are showing up today. However, we each have a tremendous amount of power in that we can make a choice or decision today that can begin to change our lives for the better. We have to love ourselves enough to let things feel awkward as we move into the unknown.

This and every moment is a chance to make a choice that can improve how we feel about ourselves and our lives. Of course, there are factors beyond our control, yet we get to say how we respond to them. It is this moment of tension where we feel pulled to fall back into an old, disempowering pattern that we can create a new opportunity for ourselves.

We are designed to be able to turn everything into a learning experience. The temptation to say yes to something we know to say no to is an opportunity to expand our ability to honor our worth and our boundaries. Our path forward is built decision by decision, moment by moment.

There is a difference between stressing others (or ourselves) and stretching them. Often, we mistakenly equate pushing someone hard with helping them grow, yet there is a vast difference. Stressing people is placing them under relentless pressure without offering the necessary resources, direction, or support. It often leads to burnout, disconnection from self-worth, and a sense of overwhelm. On the other hand, stretching someone is about challenging them in a supportive and loving way where they feel empowered, valued, and nurtured because you see the best in them and are giving them what they need. Our work is to lovingly guide ourselves and others to the edge of our comfort zones with the assurance that we are supported and the knowing that there is a greater purpose behind the challenge.

When a rubber band is pulled beyond its capacity with force, it snaps - much like a stressed individual. Yet when gradually stretched and given time to adjust, it expands beyond its original shape. That's the magic of stretching someone. We can foster an environment of continuous learning, encouragement, resilience, and validation matched with challenge. We all need to be appreciated enough to expand. In stretching, we grow; in stressing; we fizzle.

What would it look like today to stretch instead of stress? To focus on the long term rather than the seemingly urgent?

Things will be taken from you that you can’t control. On the other hand, things are being taken care of for you beyond your control.

With so much uncertain and unkown, the path to fulfillment is in who you choose to be, not in achieving or holding onto something.

What if you became just as great at letting go as you are at efforting through?

The fact that you are going to be less than perfect is why commitment exists. Stop doubting yourself becuase you fumbled. If it were easy, you wouldn’t have needed to commit.

Use commitment to help you recover, not to shame yourself into resignation. Appreciate yourrself for being up to something big and get back to it.

Is recommitment. And as seasons and circumstances change, the outward appearance of your commitment may look different.

What if you stopped beating yourself up for drifting off the path and instead saw it as an opportunity to recommit and grow? You may find that the more willing you are to notice the missteps, the more quickly and gracefully you can course-correct and move toward your purpose.

Trying something only to realize it doesn’t work right now is essential to discovering what does work.

Sticking with something that doesn’t work just because you invested your time in it guarantees you won’t get to what does work best.

Celebrate the tries and misses as part of the victory so you can leap from mediocrity to excellence.

Focus is different than stress.

Create an environment of focus that allows for failure and learning, and flow will emerge. Create an environment of tension, and stagnation will be the norm.

You don’t need to be tense to be intense.

You have been waiting for the moment to make the change, and this is it.

The thing is, we don’t change; we make new choices. As you notice the mounting pressure to change, you don’t need to wait. You can practice making a new choice right now. The wonderful thing about pressure is it gives us an opportunity to let the old habits fall away and have a breakthrough into a new way.

Don’t wait to change. Love yourself and others enough to endure the discomfort of making a new choice now.

Is to value all the times you didn’t get it right.

When something doesn’t feel correct, celebrate that realization and use it to help you sense and trust in a better way.

Do your best, yet embrace the inevitable failures as opportunities to understand what you are looking for more deeply.

Allowing the crippling weight of feeling like you need to do it all alone to stop you is how the energy of divide wins.

You are not meant to do it alone. Parenting, leading, creating, solving social issues, transforming systems, making time for what’s important, your own self-care, and anything else that feels burdensome on your own is meant to be done as a team sport. And just like being on a sports team, it takes energy to see who is open, to go for the shot, or to fail and debrief and try again. While it takes energy, the rewards and results made by the team are way bigger than what you could accomplish on your own.

When you feel temped to believe that it can’t be done because you are on your own, remember that our job is to come together and contribute our gifts and perspectives.

Who could you ask for support today? Who could you support today?

We hide from one another behind reasonable explanations and pleasantries, and the opposite end of the spectrum, with aggression and verbal abuse. These approaches keep us from experiencing what we seek- authentic, loving connection.

When we notice ourselves sharing the “truth,” and it keeps us from feeling a deep connection, our job is to sense the real reason behind something. True sharing the truth goes beyond recounting facts or perceptions; it's about unveiling our authentic selves, fears, dreams, doubts, worries, commitments, and perceived vulnerabilities. It's about genuinely owning our experience of being human and doing it with love.

When we embrace this practice as a giver and a receiver, resonance flows in, and resonance gives way to understanding. By sharing the reality driving our actions and non-actions, we can hope to bridge the gap between our hearts and minds, possibly fostering more empathy, compassion, and understanding as we bring our hearts closer to the hearts of others.

What might happen today if you choose authenticity over pretense?

Just because you feel discomfort doesn’t mean you need to take action to try to relieve it.

Sometimes, our job is to notice discomfort and allow it to break our hearts and open us up. Hardened hearts can’t give love. Ones that are willing to be broken so they can expand can.

Once you have used the discomfort to be a transporter of love, you may see an action to take, yet it won’t be a reaction anymore; it will be a creation.

You may not hear this often, and one of the most beautiful aspects of your personal power is the ability to change your mind.

We often hear phrases like "stick to your guns" or "never waver," yet there is profound strength in choosing to change your mind when your perspective shifts or you gain new information. Changing your mind with intention is an act of strength and wisdom, not weakness.

It takes courage to reevaluate and acknowledge that you've gained new insights or experiences that warrant a change. Embrace your power to adapt and evolve, for it can lead you to new opportunities, deeper understanding, an authentic path in life, and, therefore, more fulfillment.

The power to change your mind reflects your capacity for growth. Love yourself enough to keep unfolding.

It means you’re learning.

Instead of panicing or beating yourself up for not being certain, connect to your breath and hone your focus on what there is to become clear on. Then, give yourself permission to devote yourself to discovering your way through, step by step.

One day soon you’ll be able to look back and know. Right now you’re learning.

Growth is not about getting to a destination; that is attachment. Evolution is about getting to experience both the satisfaction of progress and the wisdom that comes through failure.

Instead of resisting or forcing your personality’s agenda in an area you would love to see change, start small and trust the process, as there is nowhere that you “should” be that will make you happy. The happiness comes from the small wins and the learnings that is the goal.

Since the journey is the destination inside this context, you can achieve the goal no matter where the process takes you.

When you want to grow in an arena where you lack confidence, remember it only feels hard because it is new. When you resist growing in something new, it is an opportunity to glean wisdom from your superpowers.

Identify where you have the most discipline, expertise, and comfort. What helped you get there? Is it your creativity? Your determination? Your organization? Your charisma? How can you use those same superpowers to help you thrive in this new area in an authentic way?

Your way doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s, and you have a way. Use your genius to discover the way through your perceived challenges. Since you are relying on your superpower, be ready for some extraordinary outcomes.  

The same things are intrinsically important to all of us. We all want to be loved, belong, be happy, have freedom and choice, and contribute to others. Our problem is we forget this. We get confused and think other people care about the way we look, how much money we have, how much we accomplish, or whether we act in a way that fits into their plans and ideas for us. The confusion comes from forgetting that what makes us feel loved, happy, free, and helpful is not how people perceive us but how we experience ourselves.

Since it is important to you to feel love, focus on being loving with yourself and others. Since it is important to you to be as happy as you can be, focus on doing the things that bring you joy and make you feel fulfilled. Since it is important to you to be of service, seek ways to help people you know and those you don’t yet know. Focus on what is important to you, not what we confuse ourselves into thinking is important to others.

Beating yourself or others up because of a mistake may seem like the way to solve the problem, yet unforgiveness ingrains the pattern even more deeply.

As we grow, we will fail. Bumping up against our threshold is part of evolving. Extending forgiveness to ourselves and others will allow for our continued communal expansion.

No one will ever know what it takes to be you.

This is freeing becuase it allows you to stop playing the external validation game and tune into that part of you that is already validated, whole, complete, and perfect.

The reason external validation never fulfills us in the way we want is true Self validation can only come from within; from remembering what we really are and through celebrating our unseen efforts to grow. No one else can see these things except us.

What might life be like if you released the hustle and gave yourself what you are looking for?

A satisfying life is built by doing meaningful yet challenging things.

If a little satisfaction is what you need, go do something you’ve been resisting that you know to do.

Imagine how happy you’ll be if you make this your daily practice.