Our weird relationship with new
Things can feel exciting because they are new, and they can feel scary because they are new. The label we give something new creates our relationship with it. We may either run towards or away from it because of how we perceive it.
While we sometimes avoid things because they are new or are initially fascinated with them because they are new, we often get bored with things when they eventually feel predictable and comfortable. Our attention goes to avoiding or running toward the next new thing.
The antidote to our weird relationship with “new” is to realize that everything and every moment is new and that there is something inside of us that is steady and eternal. Our job is to stay connected to the steady when we feel reactivated by what feels new and to stay connected to curiosity and passion when we feel comfortable.
Things are always new, and the truth is always the same.
Where would it serve you to stay connected to the eternal truth?
Where would it serve you to seek newness?
Worry exposes us
One excuse many of us have for indulging in worry is that it will somehow protect us and others from bad things happening. It doesn’t.
Worry actually exposes us to the energy of the future thing we are hoping to avoid, therefore doing the opposite of what we want.
A better option for your peace of mind is to surrender to the fact that your future will have heartbreak in it, and from there, trust your future self to navigate that challenge and grow from it. This type of surrender allows you to be protected in the only way you can be- by choosing to respond to the present moment with love no matter what.
If worry exposes you and love protects you, what might you focus on today?
Delight in delighting
What would delight the people in your life that matter most to you?
Imagine that answer, and have fun executing what you see.
Delighting others is an act of service, which, in turn, delights our hearts.
Go deeper than the surface
Resisting your feelings and circumstances will guarantee you live a surface-level life.
Embracing, celebrating, and working with them guarantees a rich, deep, adventurous life.
Keep this in mind when your lower personality starts selling you on the “comfort” of resistance.
What is it time for you to embrace so you can tap into your creative power, which is your personal power?
A judgment buffer
As you become more expressed and put yourself out there by contributing more, an inevitable part of that is being judged by folks, some who you know and love and some who don’t.
Your brain’s reward system does not like being judged because it used to threaten our survival if we didn’t fit in with the group, which is why we avoid it. Accepting that you don’t like being judged, and we will allow you to set yourself up for success and support.
As you grow, spending time around people who love you, support you, understand what you are up to, and share similar values becomes even more critical. The love and positive feelings you receive from that elevated connection are the feelings that give you the boost to go the distance.
Set yourself up by letting yourself be loved.
The process of discovering true fulfillment
True happiness comes from being willing to be the one to make the choices for your life, especially when it feels like you are moving into the unknown. It is only in trusting yourself to be present and be a contribution at every step that you will know your power.
Happiness is always there for you to receive when you take full responsibility for what you know.
The only strategy that works
If you want to be happy, is love.
We often try to replace love with another strategy that doesn’t feel as powerful or vulnerable. Some examples of poor substitute strategies are:
Controlling others
Focusing on agreement or disagreement
Avoiding discomfort or failure
Pretense to look good
Being “right”
Maintaining a victim mentality
Worrying
Judging others and being superior or inferior
Concentrate on what’s wrong
Etc.
These strategies may feel instantly rewarding as they help us feel safe in the short term, yet they cut us off from genuine human connection in the long run. If you want to be happy, practice noticing when you are implementing one of the able strategies and disciplining yourself to shift into love instead.
Stop waiting by rushing
Rushing is a form of waiting.
Why do you rush through as if there is an endpoint that will make you happy, as if getting through life is the goal?
There is no happiness to get to. Contentment is something you receive through allowing it in and experiencing it. Stop waiting to be happy by rushing.
Future happiness available now
We work towards future happiness because we’ve forgotten we already have it if we choose it. The way to make the future idea of happiness useful is to remember we can connect to those “future” feelings now.
Hustling for a target that keeps moving further away makes us miss our lives. Remembering and integrating our most peaceful and successful versions of ourselves helps us be present to our blessings.
What does your future self want your present self to recall today?
The problem with stopping at fear
Fear’s number one job is to get us to stop before we can even consider or experience the benefits.
Before you react and say no just because it makes you uncomfortable or scared, pause and make a list of all the potential benefits and imagine receiving them. Fear also likes to keep us thinking short term, rather than long-term, and happiness is a long-term game.
Of course, there will be downsides, especially if you consider discomfort a downside. Every benefit comes with a cost, and often that cost is the familiarity of our old selves. However, It’s likely it is totally worth the investment.
Direct is powerful
The most efficient way to get somewhere is going to be the most direct route.
You can only be direct if you are clear. If you want more of what you want in your life sooner rather than later, you have to be clear about what you want. If you feel like you aren’t able to be direct and confident, it’s likely some clarity is required.
Clarity is usually pretty simple once you decide to be courageous enough to see.
Inspiration crosses over
Inspiration and creativity are your natural state. When you feel like you can’t access that part of yourself, there is simply something to discover how to let go of. Today, I needed to release letting myself be the victim, which allowed me to return to creating.
Once you have identified what it would serve you to let go of (it needs to be easy, it needs to be complicated, I don’t know enough, I should feel different than I do, etc.), there are some simple ways you can begin to tap into your natural state.
Do something fun that seems unrelated to the task at hand. Keep the fun sensations in your body as you return to your project.
Move your body and get your physiology on your side rather than trying to think your way into creativity.
Spend time with the work of someone who inspires you, whether it is a book, a lecture, a song, fine art, or anything else. Inspiration is contagious.
The goal is to get yourself inspired by anything. The magic flows over to where you need it if you let it.
Trust yourself for a regret-free life
There has been no time in my life where I have trusted myself and regretted it. This is a result of two things:
Most of the time, when I trust myself, things go well. Meaning I feel lighter, more whole, expressed, and fulfilled. It feels like I have moved things in the correct direction.
I know that even when things go “wrong” or don’t turn out as my mind expected, trusting myself still moved me out of where I was, and I am learning and growing as a result. Self-trust is the practice of trusting ourselves right now, knowing that the future will require a different choice or decision based on what happens. Trusting myself doesn’t mean that I am sure everything will go according to my preference.
When I stay stagnant because I am not consulting or listening to the wisdom within me, I experience regret. When I take the time to listen deeply and trust what I know, I am free.
Paying for something that’s free
Why do you pay for personal development courses and then get resentful when life throws you opportunities to grow? For free?
Why do you pay lots of money to lift heavy things or get your heart rate up on an expensive piece of equipment and then sit all day and use the elevator?
There is an opportunity right in front of you to grow now instead of later if you choose to see it that way.
Absence is an opportunity
When there is something that you wish was there yet isn’t, it is an opportunity to create it.
When something you love seems like it is changing, it is an opportunity to grow and become the next version of yourself.
Absence is an opportunity. Embrace it.
Choose boundaries over punishment
Punishing is a way of being; consequences are boundaries. You can set boundaries without punishing people.
We are designed to support one another and free each other from suffering. We are not designed to discourage and oppress one another by inflicting shame on whoever happens to reactivate us. This is why punishment never brings people closer to themselves or one another.
If we want to heal at an individual and community level, love will be the only thing that will do that. Boundaries are meant to be supportive by creating clarity, not judgment.
Double-check your intentions when you feel pulled to add judgment, shame, or hatred on top of your boundary. It is in this tension that you have the opportunity to choose love and be kind and clear.
Get more than getting
There is much more to life than strategizing how to get stuff from people. There is much more to life than hustling for attention. There is much more to life than competing for limited resources.
The “more” is fulfillment and happiness, which comes from contribution. Contribution and making a living are not only not mutually exclusive, but the feeling of genuinely living also comes from contributing.
In a world full of strategy, hustle, and competition, I feel more drawn to give my energy to things that give me life, not aim to take it from me, and I know I am not alone. We are at a moment where we can make a living by making a difference, not only for others but also for ourselves, through sharing our hearts and gifts.
What would you need to be willing to trade in to receive the upgrade to a new kind of more?
Caring less
I believe that we all care deeply. As we spend more time in this life and gain more wisdom, it’s not caring less about other people and what they think that makes us happier. What gives us more ease and joy is realizing we can’t control very many things, including what others think.
It’s not caring less that makes us happier. It’s loving more, yet controlling less.
Meet your future now
To create it, see it.
Your imagination is your most powerful tool, in its power to either empower you or limit you, and it’s always at play. Your imagination can place a worrisome future ahead of you or a beautiful one. Of course, imagining a fantastic future doesn’t guarantee it, yet it makes success way more possible because you see it as possible.
The way to harness the power of your imagination is to spend time actively using it and honing it. What would it look like to devote carved-out time imagining your chosen future every day? Might it support you in seeing a new possibility and feeling a possibility as well?
The only way to know is to try. And just like anything important, doing it consistently is likely the key.
Forgiveness is Freedom
You don’t need anyone else to forgive you to forgive yourself. You don’t need anyone to forgive you for you to be able to forgive them.
Unforgiveness traps you inside of very limited, self-deprecating options. Forgiveness gives you all of your choices back, which frees you up to contribute instead of hustle.